Supporting children through change

This includes frequent and unexpected relocation, extended periods of separation from loved ones, and exposure to physical and emotional stressors due to deployment cycles.  

The challenges of deployment for families 

Moving away from loved ones, establishing new networks, adapting to new environments, and changing routine can be some of the most challenging aspects of deployment. During deployment, families may experience a range of feelings, including concern, worry, loneliness, and sadness.  

These stressors may have more impact for children and young people, depending on what phase of development they are entering. This may be particularly difficult if they do not want it to happen, are not emotionally ready for it, feel worried about what will happen next, or feel that what is happening to them is out of their control. 

A child or young person may also find change more difficult if they are already struggling with other challenges, such as anxiety, developmental needs, low-mood, difficulties at school or self-esteem. 

After deployment, the adjustment period can be just as challenging for all members of the family. When there are children involved, mental wellbeing of both caregivers will impact the children’s stress levels, and if parents cope with stress well, children may be less likely to experience adjustment or behavioural concerns. 

How children react to change 

Changes in routine will impact each child’s behaviour differently, and children and young people may display a variety of responses to these changes. The differing responses can be influenced by age, developmental stage, personality, temperament, and the nature of the change itself.  

When change occurs, you may notice some of the following: 

• A change in sleep patterns and/or an increase in bad dreams or nightmares (this may be triggered by increased stress, and anxiety. Bad dreams or nightmares for young children, may be bound up in imagination and manifestations of monsters that inhabit dreams). Sleep may be disturbed by new routines in the household, or it might be harder to settle to sleep, especially if they are worried about their parent's safety or their own safety without the parent. 
• Increased irritability, anger, or acting out (being emotionally dysregulated) is a way of communicating discomfort with change. 
• Increased tiredness or lethargy. 
• Changes in appetite. 
• Not wanting to spend time with people whom they have previously enjoyed activities. This might be due to a desire to avoid feeling hurt when the parent leaves the household. 
• School avoidance.  
• Return to earlier habits (i.e., bedwetting and thumb sucking). Change can disrupt a child’s sense of predictability and control over their environment, leading to stress. 
• Lack of enthusiasm or unwillingness to take on new activities or change routines. 
• Inability to focus or concentrate due to anxiety and changes at home  
• Reluctance to be apart from loved ones. Young children may fear being separated from their parents/caregivers 
• Constantly monitoring for threats and enhanced sensory sensitivity. Children have less life experience to draw upon, which can make new situations seem more daunting. 
• Self-harm behaviors or suicidal words or thoughts. Any of these behaviours should always be taken seriously. Talk to your GP and seek professional help. 

Older children may sometimes feel the need to become more independent and take on additional responsibilities. This sense of duty can lead them to withdraw and not communicate their own needs, particularly if they believe that the needs of the household or their parents are more pressing. 

It is important for parents/caregivers to provide support and understanding during these times. Recognising these  behaviours as a normal response to change can increase understanding and effective support of children experiencing them. This in turn will help with the process of adapting to change. 

Helping children adapt to change 

Key factors to supporting family wellbeing and good mental health may be things you are already doing, and can include: 

• Communicating love and care by offering plenty of emotional support and reassurance lets them know that you are there to help them through the tough stuff. 
• Maintain trust and consistency: don’t make promises you cannot keep and if you say you are going to do something then it is important to follow through i.e.: if you set a time for an activity and stick to it, you will build trust.  
• Active listening: listening means more than just hearing, it means taking communication about fear and worries seriously, never denying or belittling, managing your own emotional response to be truly present, sitting down and being on their physical level, and letting them finish all their thoughts before repeating or reflecting what they’ve said to show you’ve heard them. 
• Take time to let kids know what to expect to help reduce the fear of an unknown future. If you don’t know what to expect, then share that too. While we can’t always anticipate what will happen in the future, as parents, we may know what challenges are likely to occur when a major transition or change occurs. 
• Role model healthy ways of engaging with emotions including talking about emotions. Talking about your feelings helps your child learn to read and respond to emotions. You will be demonstrating positive and constructive ways of relating to other people. It can be as simple as saying something like ‘I feel worried about making new friends too’. 
• Set achievable goals and encourage them to try new things. 
• Keep a routine: we know that the better we feel in control during the day, the better we can deal with change. 
• Prioritise good sleep and educate your child about the importance of sleep. 
• Sometimes challenges like transitions, loss, anxiety, family breakdown can benefit from extra support. Consider speaking to a social worker or counsellor to better support yourself and your child.

Support at Mates4Mates 

At Mates4Mates we offer veterans and families access to a highly skilled team of psychologists, counsellors, and social workers with face-to-face appointments at our centres or online via telehealth.  

Mates4Mates is registered to provide psychology services under DVA and Medicare. To access Mates4Mates psychology services, make an appointment with your GP, medical officer or specialist who will assess your situation and issue a referral under DVA or Medicare, if appropriate. 

No referrals are required to make an appointment with a Mates4Mates social worker or counsellor.  

For more information about Mates4Mates services and how we can help to support you, reach out to us on 1300 4 MATES (62 837) for a confidential chat.  

 

Written by Angela Rondo, Mates4Mates Social Worker