Taking care during commemorations

On 25 April, Australians and New Zealanders pause to remember the first major military action of World War I and reflect on the legacy of those who followed.  

While many find pride and connection in honouring those who served, for others the day can stir complex feelings including grief, trauma, anger or frustration.  

Why commemorating can be difficult 

The experiences veterans carry into commemorations such as ANZAC Day vary widely and are shaped by their individual stories. 

Grief can be felt for mates and loved ones who lost their lives through service, or by suicide after returning home. It can also be grief for the identity you held while serving, or the person you were before an injury 

Commemorations can also trigger the re-experiencing of traumatic memories, leading to acute distress and overwhelming emotions. 

While ANZAC Day brings meaning and pride for some, others cope by avoiding events altogether. It’s important to remember that there’s no one right way to commemorate ANZAC Day and taking care of yourself in the lead up is key. 

Ways to take care ahead of ANZAC Day 

As the day approaches, some people may notice anxiety, re-experiencing symptoms (intrusive memories or flashbacks) or rising tension related to their service history or the memories the date evokes. 

Understanding your own patterns – what helps and what doesn’t – is an important part of managing difficult moments. 

Here are some helpful strategies for veterans: 

1. Prepare your nervous system 

If commemorations bring up traumatic memories, building a daily routine that supports calm can make a real difference. This may include: 

• controlled breathing 
• progressive muscle relaxation 
• mindfulness meditation. 

2. Make a plan for unhelpful coping patterns 

For some, leaning on alcohol becomes a default coping strategy during this time. Planning alternative ways to connect, such as spending time with people who understand your challenges and support alcohol‑free choices, can help you feel safer and more grounded. 

3. Know your triggers and supports 

Each person reacts in their own unique way to grief and trauma, so by taking stock of your patterns, triggers and coping methods, whether they’re helpful and unhelpful, is incredibly valuable. 

Being kind to yourself, connecting with people who help you feel calm, and engaging in meaningful activities can all support emotional readiness for a potentially tough day. 

How to support a loved one 

If you have someone in your life who is connected to the Defence community, the lead up to ANZAC Day can be a meaningful time to check in. 

Support might look like: 

• being a calm presence in difficult moments 
• attending a ceremony at a local RSL Sub Branch together 
• encouraging helpful tools such as journalling or controlled breathing. 

The most important step is asking the person how they want to be supported and then making a plan together, so the person feels understood and heard. 

Support at Mates4Mates 

Planning ahead can be much easier with the guidance of a mental health professional. 

Mates4Mates mental health clinicians understand that days like ANZAC Day can hold different meanings for different members of the Defence community.  

Psychologists, social workers and counsellors are here to help veterans, current serving and their family members by offering one-on-one mental health treatment or more casual support if needed. These services are available year-round, not just during commemorations. 

Mates4Mates clinicians are here to support veterans and families in the lead up to ANZAC Day, however, Veteran & Family Wellbeing Centres are closed on weekends and public holidays.   

For support outside of business hours, or for 24-hour crisis support, please contact Open Arms (1800 011 046). 

If you’re a veteran or family member and want to find out more about how Mates4Mates mental health services can support you, reach out on 1300 4 MATES (62 837) for a confidential chat. Referrals are required for psychology appointments. 

Written by Jonathan Moscrop, Mates4Mates Psychologist and Clinical Lead – Psychological Services